Working Mom Guilt

Well, I made it...less than a year between posts. :) I debated what my next post should be. I've been a Two Job Mom for over 6 years now and have learned a lot, but I know there are quite a few of you out there that know even more than I do! Then, it hit me...one of the things I struggle most with, it seems, is guilt. I don't think this is unique though to working moms - I just think that having a job outside the home adds another layer to the guilt that every mom feels. It was especially timely, as I had a major guilt mom guilt attack on Friday when I went to Muffins with Mom at my daughter's school...everything was fun until it was time for me to leave and then tears, clinging to my waist & "Don't go mom!"...heartbreaking!

There is the guilt you have while you're at work - missing out on a child's school program/class party/field trip, wiping away tears from your child's eyes when you drop them off at daycare/preschool, realizing you forgot a project at home for your child's school (FYI - that last one can happen to any mom and has!), taking a work phone call after you've picked up your kids, etc.. Then, you have the guilt when you're not at work - not being able to stay late to help on a certain project, not being able to take on a special assignment because you can't put in the extra time, missing a work deadline, etc.

The hardest day for me as a working mom was my first day back at work from maternity leave with my first child. I honestly had not been apart from my daughter ever in the first three months of her life. I drove away from my friend's house with tears in my eyes as I drove away with an empty back seat and a heavy heart. I was working half days, but that four hours seemed SO long to me. I did make it through, and I started to enjoy having my challenging time at work and then my time with my daughter, which had its own set of challenges. :)

I can tell you that early on, I struggled with extreme guilt in missing work for illnesses, doctor's appointments...feeling like I had to prove that I could do it all. I'm not saying that I didn't miss work because nothing compares to mom (my husband has always been very gracious to help me out in some binds though). Then, once my son was born, it got more complicated. Two kids' activities, two classrooms, two sets of field trips, two sets of birthday parties...it honestly is hard to be at every activity. The realization I came to though (after some time to mature & reflect) is that I only have my kids for a short time, and I need to be at as many programs/activities/field trips as I can. I schedule my work meetings around kid activities - sometimes this means having to work late from home to make up for that time or meet deadlines.

I'm not going to say I've been at everything (when I can't go, I try to have Daddy at least attend - between the two of us, I think we've only missed one field trip), but I have pretty much been at all of my kids' major school activities and quite a few minor ones too. I do think that some of this has had some impact on my career advancement, but personally for me, I didn't want to look back and wish I had been more involved in my kids' lives...and it is worth the sacrifice. I finally had to establish my "dealbreakers", i.e., things I absolutely couldn't miss and arrange everything else around that (work meetings, "me" time, date night with my hubby, etc.). I'll tackle things like "me" time, etc. in a different post. :)

I wanted to end this with a post with a poem from Erma Bombeck written near the end of her life. I'm also giving you permission to not feel like you have to be Superwoman/Supermom/Super employee. I would encourage you to determine your own dealbreakers though and stand by them. :)

If I Had My Life to Live Over
by Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have never insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would ahve sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and mroe while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetously, I would have never said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's". More "I'm sorry's".
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it...live it...and never give it back.